Disobedience Read online

  “I thought I heard someone lurking out here.”

  Clearing her throat, she soldiered on. “Can I come in?”

  “What do you want, Finn?” he asked flatly, instead of moving.

  He wasn’t even going to let her in. Well, if the stubborn jerk wanted to have it out in the doorway, she’d just have to adapt. There was no turning back now.

  “Through three cycles of hell, I had one person I could depend on,” Finn blurted out, “just one.” Then, much quieter she said, “And we both know how that turned out.” She could feel the tears rising, burning her eyes at the mention of Sophie, but she forced them down. At her words, Conrad’s face softened and his eyes flared. He looked like he might interrupt, but she held a hand out to stop him. “After that I was alone . . . until I found Grim. He taught me how to survive; taught me valuable things . . . things I never would have learned without him. I thought . . .” Finn stopped when her breath hitched and shook her head. “It doesn’t matter what I thought. When I saw him here on Independence, when I found out what he was . . . I realized everything had been a lie. I know I should have given you the chance to explain things, and I’m sorry that I didn’t. I shouldn’t have run away—”

  Before Finn could finish, the big man moved. His hand going behind her head as he pulled her into his solid chest for a tight embrace. Acting on its own volition, her body sagged against his, absorbing the heat. Thankfully, he was careful and their skin didn’t touch. Finn wasn’t sure she could handle another foray into Conrad’s memories; she was light-years away from being able to control her abilities.

  Eventually, he gave her body one last squeeze and released her. When her eyes next roved over his face, she found him watching her intently, his jaw no longer tight with tension.

  “Hellion,” he whispered. Finn’s head swam as he spoke. “I can’t imagine the things that must have been swirling in that head of yours when you found out who the Luminary was. On the heels of everything you had just been through; your memories returning, almost dying . . . I understand why you left. I’m not happy that you did, but I can understand.”

  The tightness that had settled in Finn’s chest over the last three weeks released and she took a full, deep breath for the first time since leaving Independence. Conrad’s hand moved toward her face, stopping when only centimeters separated his skin and hers.

  “Cool. Jax owes me three weeks of kitchen duty.”

  They both turned in the direction of the awed whisper to find the ship’s second pilot, Lex, amber eyes wide with excitement and her signature pink hair styled in twists and braids across her head. When her eyes caught Finn’s, a blush rose in her caramel cheeks just above her twin fish marking and she smiled. “Jax and I made a bet about you two. It looks like I won.”

  “Lex—” Conrad started in with a warning growl, but the pink-haired menace merely shot him a cheeky wink.

  “Don’t start with me, big guy. You’re the one canoodling in the hallway.” Before either of them could comment further, she continued, “Dinner is ready and our table seems to be filling up these days. You two better hurry if you want a seat.” Returning her dopey grin to Finn, her voice went uncharacteristically soft as she said, “Welcome back, Finnie.”

  Now it was Finn’s turn to growl at the Gods-awful nickname Lex seemed determined to give her, but the woman merely turned away and skipped down the hall, whistling a jaunty tune as she went.

  Eleven

  Suffice it to say, Finn was a swirling mess of confusing emotions by the time she made it to the crew dining area. After a rushed, if not slightly awkward, goodbye to Conrad, she’d raced back to her cabin in hopes she might find Enyo there, but the Sirian had been noticeably absent.

  The desire to lock herself in her quarters rather than face whatever might be waiting for her at dinner was stifling. Tiri had already let it slip that Grim was no longer on the ship. Apparently he had “important business” to settle in the Farthers.

  Whatever that means.

  At least she wouldn’t have to deal with his presence for the foreseeable future.

  What about Iliana? She knew she wasn’t ready to face her sister; the bitter pain of their last interaction was still too fresh. However, she also knew from experience she couldn’t hide forever.

  She was so lost to her thoughts of bets, Grim, Iliana, and the future, that by the time she made it inside the elevator, Finn barely registered the claustrophobic ride upstairs. When the doors opened, she nearly took a step back at the sight and sounds that greeted her.

  The long dining table with all its mismatching chairs was almost full. Jax and Lex with their neon dyed hair and matching coveralls sat next to each other in their usual seats chatting animatedly with Nova who sat to their right. Nova still wore her shorts and crop top but her brown locks had been pulled up and braided in a style similar to Lex’s. By the looks of things, it seemed as though the doxie and the twin pilots were making fast friends.

  Every now and then Jax would turn to the large form at his other side and wink. Finn’s stomach clenched at the sight.

  It was her first time seeing the Khaleerian hybrid since rescuing him from his imprisonment on Senator Califax’s estate. It was also her first time seeing him conscious, and he was much larger than she remembered. He nearly took up an entire corner with his massive frame. He looked to be in his twenties, a fall of chestnut brown hair barely concealing two shiny black horns as they curled back and around his head.

  While he listened, his tan cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment.

  Shane sat at the head of the table with Conrad occupying his usual place at the captain’s left. Some of the tension had cleared from Shane’s handsome features and he’d taken the time to shave his stubble and comb his blond hair into obedience. Conrad had once again pulled his dark dreads into a messy topknot and his blue eyes shone with amusement. At the other end, Isis and Tiri huddled together, their blue and lavender heads bent as they smiled and whispered next to a subdued AJ. The sight warmed her from head to toes.

  Thankfully, Iliana was not present.

  On a deep inhale, Finn’s eyes searched for an open spot, only to stop short when she caught an eyeful of Enyo seated next to a vacant chair and looking angrier than Finn had ever seen her. She fought a gulp of trepidation, plastered a smile on her face, and headed in the irate hybrid’s direction.

  As soon as her backside hit vinyl, the Sirian leaned in with a harsh whisper.

  “How am I supposed to protect you when you refuse to stay in one place?’

  “I’m not an invalid for crying out loud,” Finn whispered back. “I did manage to free you from a heavily guarded estate if you remember.” At Enyo’s hard, unrelenting glare, Finn rolled her eyes and relented. “Oh fine, but just so you know, it was important.” Finn nodded her head in Conrad’s direction as inconspicuously as possible and Enyo’s lips twitched knowingly, revealing a row of sharp fangs.

  “Do not let it happen again, N’Goza, no matter how important.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Finn muttered.

  As though feeling her eyes on him, Conrad’s stare moved over to the two of them and smiled.

  “Finn,” Shane called across the table, “you haven’t met Axel yet.” He motioned toward the horned half-Khaleerian. At his name, the blush on the large hybrid’s cheeks deepened and he offered Finn a shy smile.

  “Shane says you helped free me back on Cartan. Thank you.”

  Before Finn could respond to his softly spoken gratitude, Jax leaned closer to the Khaleerian and whispered something in his ear. Axel’s face flushed a deep shade of scarlet, even as the corners of his lips tipped up in a smile.

  “Oh, get a room, you two,” Lex groaned.

  “That’s the plan, sis,” Jax countered with a calculating grin.

  His twin sister stuck her tongue out at him and turned to Finn.

  “So that’s a thing,” she said nodding in her brother’s direction. “I keep telling Axel he can do way better, but
he refuses to see reason.”

  This time it was Jax’s turn to stick his tongue out, flicking his thumb under his nose in Lex’s direction. Axel’s dark eyes remained glued to the table and he looked like he might either be fighting back laughter or the urge to vomit from embarrassment. Finn supposed either reaction would be justified given the casual way the twins were discussing his private life.

  At the display, Enyo huffed at Finn’s side and muttered, “Recontenses.”

  “What does that mean?” Finn whispered. Enyo’s disdainful eyes flicked over to her as she bit out,

  “Idiots.”

  Finn expelled a laugh, she couldn’t help herself. At the sound, the entire table turned bemused glances her way and the laugh became a soft smile. She’d missed this, all of it: the ridiculous conversations, jabs, and complete lack of privacy. Gods help her, these people were certifiable, but she’d missed them.

  The hard grip of anger and resentment around her heart loosened, taking the rest of her tension with it. She’d had five seconds of this blissful peace before Iliana came striding around the corner, gracefully balancing several trays of food in her dainty hands.

  Finn’s stomach clenched in pain as a rush of feelings overcame her moment of comfort.

  Her sister’s long, fiery waves were secured with golden pins at the top of her head. She wore an ankle-length blush gown with cap sleeves. The skirt fanned out at the hips and complimented her indigo eyes . . . indigo eyes that matched Finn’s own. As usual, nary a hair was out of place and her makeup had been expertly applied.

  Finn felt eyes on her and realized several members of the crew had turned their gazes in her direction in a shameless bid to gauge her reaction. She bit the inside of her cheek and focused her stare on the tabletop, taking a page from Axel’s book.

  One by one, Iliana made her way around the table, dispersing food as she went. As she passed by Finn, she placed a tray in front of her and leaned down to whisper.

  “Welcome back, Finn.”

  Finn’s fingertips sank into her thighs in a bid to control her anger. She refused to respond in any way or meet Iliana’s expectant look. Instead, she focused all of her attention on the plate of steamed vegetables, rice, and hunk of glazed beef in front of her.

  As she prepared to dig in, savoring the scents of a warm, flavorful meal, Enyo once again leaned into her side, her tawny eyes alight with interest.

  “That is your sister?”

  “Not anymore,” Finn retorted, glaring daggers of anger at Iliana’s back.

  After everything they’d been through—together and apart—her sister had thrown it all away at the first opportunity to reach inside Finn’s mind and pluck away her darkest sin. She’d begged Iliana to stop, but her wretched sister had refused to listen, too blinded by her own selfish motives.

  Now, Finn’s past stood between them like an impassable mountain and she would never forgive Iliana for all it had revealed.

  Iliana took the seat to Shane’s immediate right and a moment of awkward silence fell over the room before it was broken by the lone sound of metal scraping against metal. Finn glanced to her side to find Enyo—either oblivious or impervious to the uneasiness around her—shoving forkfuls into her face.

  Finn took a deep breath and joined the Sirian, practically inhaling the delicious contents of her dinner plate. The rest of the room soon followed suit and eventually the low din of conversation filled the space around them.

  Finn was content to listen to the familiar and soothing sounds, only chiming in to answer questions directed at her. Most of them had to do with her time away from Independence and Enyo’s rescue.

  By the time dinner was over and the conversation began to lull, Finn was done with answering questions and ready to head back to her room for some much-needed sleep. Lex, Conrad, and Jax were assigned dish duty and stayed behind to clean up. Finn almost laughed at the twins’ pouting faces and the stoic glare they provoked in Conrad.

  As she moved to leave the room, she shot the blue-eyed hybrid a cheeky wink. He merely shook his head in bemusement, a grin spreading across his face as he followed the twins to the kitchen.

  Finn almost made it to the elevator before a blur of pink stepped in front of her and stopped her in her tracks.

  “Finn, we need to talk.”

  Finn’s face heated with her anger, and she finally made eye contact with her sister.

  “I don’t have anything to say to you,” she told Iliana flatly.

  “Just hear me out, Little One.”

  At the mention of her childhood nickname, sizzling tendrils of rage began to unfurl and spread throughout her body.

  “What’s the matter?” Finn seethed. “You didn’t get enough of a show last time?”

  Iliana’s face tightened in pain, but she didn’t back down.

  “I don’t expect your forgiveness for what I did.”

  “Good,” Finn bit out as she shouldered past, “because you’re not going to get it.”

  With remarkable speed, Iliana moved to block her path once again.

  “I am the only person who can teach you how to use your abilities. I’m trying to help you, Finn, to give you back some control.” The unyielding expression on her face softened as she continued. “I know what it’s like to fear these gifts. Let me help you.”

  The offer ignited a tenuous spark of longing inside of Finn and she found herself hating Iliana even more intensely for putting it there. No matter how much she wanted it and no matter what Iliana’s motives might be, she would never trust her sister again.

  Moving a step into Iliana’s space, Finn narrowed her eyes and bit out a harsh whisper.

  “That would be a nice offer if you were someone I could trust. It’s too bad you already made sure that will never happen.”

  With those parting words, Finn moved around her sister and into the elevator. The doors closed on Iliana’s dejected expression and Finn felt the weight of it the entire ride down.

  TWELVE

  Once again, sleep eluded Finn that night. Her thoughts raced and her temper flared at the memory of Iliana’s proposal. Not that her sister’s readiness to exploit the one thing she knew Finn needed the most really surprised her, but still. The force of her ire swirled in her gut uncomfortably.

  As she listened to the sounds of Enyo’s deep, even breathing from where she slept on the floor beside her, Finn allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to have control over her abilities. The offer tempted her, to say the least. She’d been living in fear of these gifts ever since she’d realized the extent of what they could do.

  What if she could touch people without trepidation? Without having to worry about what they might see?

  Images began to flood her mind: Finn’s hand holding Tiri’s, Finn touching Conrad’s face . . . Finn kissing Conrad.

  It might almost be worth the hardship of working with Iliana if it allowed her to learn control.

  Almost.

  On that depressing thought, Finn’s tired body relaxed into the mattress and she finally fell into a deep sleep.

  He is coming. They’ve removed the chains and given the girls special dresses to wear just for him. It makes Finn feel queasy. Just the thought of him makes her sick with fear, and she knows Sophie feels the same. More and more lately she’s been getting this far-off look in her eyes, as if she’s going somewhere else, and even Finn can’t reach her.

  It feels like she is losing her only friend. Finn cannot survive here without her. If only she could find a way to escape. Maybe then there could be hope for them.

  The door opens and he walks in, a cruel smile playing on his thin lips. His black eyes find Kyra first. His smile widens, revealing a row of too-white teeth, and her stomach clenches in fear.

  She has always been his favorite.

  “Are we feeling stronger today, little dove?”

  His thinning hair is slicked back. His gray suit is pressed and immaculate, as usual. He removes his black and gold cloak from
his shoulders and approaches her with purposeful strides. He is a big man, and the closer he gets, the tinier she feels.

  When he is in front of her, he backhands Finn across the face.

  Hard.

  He has not removed his rings, and she feels a line of blood running down her cheek from where one has cut her. Tears sting the backs of her eyes, but she doesn’t let them fall. Finn knows this is just the beginning of the pain he has planned for tonight.

  “I asked you a question.”

  Sophie is crying softly in the corner.

  “Yes, Chancellor.”

  He runs his hand across her cheek, smearing the blood there.

  “Good girl.”

  Finn’s fists clench in a bid to hold down the tiny meal she had eaten earlier. The chancellor begins to remove his suit jacket, rolling up his shirt sleeves. He takes a gun from his belt and lays it down on the table next to her.

  Her eyes widen and her chest tightens. He doesn’t usually bring guns in with him. Next, he takes out his whip and sets it down. The whip she knows well.

  “Are you familiar with the art of gambling, dove?” When she doesn’t speak, he lifts his hand as though to strike her again, and she hastens to answer him.

  “N—no, sir.”

  He lays out a few other nasty-looking tools before motioning for Finn to sit on the bed. She obeys quickly, and he smiles.

  “Funny, your uncle knows the game well enough. And tonight we are, as a gambler might say, upping the ante.”

  Despite the terror his attention brings, Finn is grateful that he is leaving Sophie alone for now. She huddles in the corner with a lost look in her eyes. Finn closes hers. She pretends she is back on Gliese, lying in the cornfields, the sun on her face. She can almost feel Iliana holding her hand.

  “Open your eyes.”

  She obeys, afraid of what will happen if she doesn’t.

  Her heart pounds. She hears him remove something from his belt, but doesn’t look down. He runs it down her face, stopping just above her collarbone. It is a blade. Finn struggles not to cry out when he increases the pressure just enough to break the skin. It burns, and she can feel the blood pooling. She tries not to swallow, afraid it will only push the blade in deeper.